You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
