I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
