I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
