ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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