Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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