U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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