Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
