Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How's work?
Spinning.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
