i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
