The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
