My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
There are leaves in my underwear?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
