why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
