Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
