We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize