All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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