The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
