nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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