Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
