We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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