this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
