So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
