I seem to have left my pride at pride
I need to stop coming to work sober
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
