Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
