Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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