Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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