I'm going to jail i love you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
