I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
