note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
