I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
