im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
