think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.