Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.