her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.