All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?