Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
