I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize