my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize