An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
