My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have demons in me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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