just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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