Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
