You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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