I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
