This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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