It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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