One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize