just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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