dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
