i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think I won the penis lottery.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
