nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
