also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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