How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you will always have a special place in my vag
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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