Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
