Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
