Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
