We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
