i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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