i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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