In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize