Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
