Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize