eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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