Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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