I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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