batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
