don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
