We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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