Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
