Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
