happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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