I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
