Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
