Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize