SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
