theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
