I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
