waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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