I think I won the penis lottery.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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