the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
