Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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